6. Dialogue
Here, I imagine my dialogue with a Dominator. I challenge his way of living, and we get into it gently. Much more gently than would probably happen in real life.
The Dominator asked, “What is so bad about lying? I am good at it. I can get people to believe whatever I say. It is a skill. Why shouldn’t I use my skill? All of us use our skills to stay alive and get ahead. Why shouldn’t I use my skill at deception?”
Those questions made me pause.
“I hear you; deception is a type of skill, but is it a skill or practice that you should do? Some may think of effective torture as a skill, but it is not a skill we should perform or advocate.”
“You know, animals use deception to hunt or get a mate—not all animals, but enough to say it happens in nature. If it happens in nature, why is it not OK for me?”
I hate when people find situations that occur in nature and use these to justify their actions. As much as we humans are of nature, we have gone one step beyond nature by creating civilization and society.
“Are you a wild animal?” I said, to undermine his nature-based point.
“Knock it off,” he replied.
“I’m asking because deception may be a suitable tool to have in the wild world, but it is not a skill that is helpful within a developed society or civilization. Do you live in a developed society?”
“Yes.”
“Then think about what would happen if everyone lied and misrepresented information as frequently and effectively as you. What would that world be like? Imagine that world.”
“Whatever.”
“I am happy to describe it to you,” I said. “A world riddled with constant falsification would be unstable in that it would be hard to rely on anything we hear, read, or even see. Even you, a skilled deceiver, would struggle. I think one reason you do well today is that other people do not deceive as regularly or as skillfully as you. If deception were widespread, you would no longer be an all-star in this area but a run-of-the-mill liar. You gain advantage now precisely by being the exception. It is not your skill at lying that gives you the advantage; it is that others trust you. When you are a liar in a sea of liars, you lose your advantage.”
“Wow, OK, I hadn’t thought of it that way. You say that my use of deception gives me an advantage, not because I am such a wiz at it, but because it is not common. I get my advantage because most people assume some level of trustworthiness. Well, too bad for them. They should be less naive.”
“Not really, though. You have enjoyed the benefits of society and civilization. You have made lots of money through commercial transactions that are all built on a basic level of trust. The laws of the land, commerce law, property rights, and things like that are structures set up by civilization, and they take care of you. So, on the one hand, you want to enjoy the benefits of a stable society and civilization while also undermining it with your constant duplicity. You see that this approach is ridiculous?”
“I guess I hear you on that. Well, what about cruelty? A little brutality now and again gets me some respect. When I treat people roughly, I get their attention. I get their attention, and the attention of others, too. They won’t cross me next time.”
“So, you use cruelty to intimidate a specific person, and doing that scares others who witness it. I get the power of that. A question for you. If everyone were cruel, would the world be a better place for you? Is cruel behavior good in its own right or is it simply useful to you because it is exceptional, extreme?”
“What?”
“I mean, you like being cruel because it works. It works because it is an outlier, an extreme action. It is antithetical to the values that make society and civilization function. Like in the situation of lying that we already discussed. If this behavior were commonplace, it would not work for you so well. You would no longer have the benefits, comforts, and peace that civilization provides you. When you lie and are cruel to others, you are choosing outlier, anti-civilization behavior. These actions benefit you because they are not the norm. They shock people. If these were the norm, they would not work as well, and the benefits of society you enjoy would be gone.”
“Screw you! You are just spinning my words. I know what I am doing, and that is winning! You woke whiner can keep wishing you were me.”
That comment pretty well ended our discussion. I heard what he said, and I made a few points in return. The gist of my pushback to him was that society and civilization offer benefits we enjoy. Along with this comes a base-level expectation for our own behavior. I’m sad that I never got to my most important point. That has to do with how we see ourselves in relation to the wider world. I mean not just society, but all life. This connectedness goes beyond the structures of society and civilization to highlight how we see our relationship with others in the broadest sense.
I think it is essential that we see ourselves as part of a whole. The whole is a spectrum from the full Universe, to all of life, to all of humanity, to community and family. I feel some connectedness with all these groupings. Sometimes that connectedness is weak; other times it is as present as the warmth of the sun on my face. The bottom line is that while the feeling fluctuates, I know I am connected to the world around me. For that reason alone, I want to avoid deceit and cruelty. The Dominator is missing this outlook and must be so lonely. No matter what they win, they have already lost this sense of connection.
